The Harvard Moral Sense Test

Browsing IIDB today, I found a link to the Moral Sense Test for which data is being collected by Harvard University.

It's a pretty interesting test. I await the results with some interest.

Genuinely Me

This is the kind of post that is only made drunk. Drunk on alcohol, poetry, or virtue, if you ask Baudelaire* – I'm drunk on sleeplessness at half to midnight.

(* That's a poor translation, sadly. Bottom comic on this page, much better.)

Every day, we interact with tons of people. We play the game of conversation, and it is a game, or is not, depending on what you mean by "game"; there's definitely rules, and there's even winning and losing, but nothing's formal or strict, though some things are, like saying "Fine" or "Okay" or even "Good" though it's ungrammatical in answer to "How are you", but even that you can break if you've got cause. Though it better be by prior agreement, or a really good reason, if it's not pithy, or at least short.

How many commas was that? Twenty? I didn't count.

There's other games we play in our interactions, too. The "How are you" thing is just the framework, really – when you get that out of the way, you can speak freely. But we daren't.

'Cause if we spoke freely, we might say something they don't like, and get left alone.

You know, I noticed something about when I talk about my favorite artworks. I'll take something I deeply enjoy, and appreciate, something which I heavily identify with, like Watership Down, and almost dismiss it. If someone asks me my favorite book, I'll say Watership Down, but then I'll wait, and if they don't like it, I won't say anything more. If someone says something about something I like, something negative, I'll suddenly dismiss my opinion. I'll go from saying "Wow, this rocks like whoa" to "Well, I thought it ... ah ... didn't stink? Much?" And I like it, but I won't admit to anything I think I can't prove. And that's a kind of untruth to myself.

Bigger untruth to myself? I hide parts of myself. I think everybody does. The private thoughts, thoughts on subjects other's don't talk about, or thoughts I don't think people like. I think some weird things in my head, stuff even I don't want to know I have thought. I hope any telepaths I pass are really understanding, cause I'm creepy in here.

(Darn, just lost at the Game again. Darn telepaths.)

Y'know, I'm a gigantic fan of honestly, pure honesty. I understand that it should be tempered, for the benefit of all concerned ("This story stinks" may be true, but "I couldn't get past the beginning – the characters were just too ridiculous" is much better feedback, and no, those don't refer to any story – I made them up), but honesty means freedom in a very fundamental way. It's why propoganda exists – lies make people act other than they should, other than they'd want to. (Mom pointed out to me that Sherri S. Tepper makes a kind of theme of that in her books – maybe that's part of why I like her as an author so much.) And, theoretically, honesty about myself would seem to make my being happy more likely, right?

But I'm not honest about myself. I game my speech to conform to norms. I silence myself, or damp out my opinions, to conform to norms. And I do it a lot, including here.

Am I ever genuine? I don't think so. Dare I be?