Some people have the normalized experience

[packbat]

(crossposted from my dragon.style fediverse account)

So, like, this might be because I'm asexual and aromantic and people in the ace and aro communities run into this a lot, but...

...so, like, for me being trans, realizing I was trans came through learning that what I experienced was a trans experience. My finding a box that fit.

For me being aro, it came through learning that what I experienced /wasn't/ an amatoromantic (alloromantic?) experience. It was realizing that there are people for whom being a part of a romance makes sense, feels right, feels good, and doesn't seem like A Thing People Do, Somehow, Apparently, and so presumably I will too eventually. It was realizing that this expectation was actually natural for some people, and the people for whom it wasn't were their own group that I belonged to. It was my finding the box I thought I was in wasn't anywhere near where I was.

(See https://packbat.tumblr.com/post/152559094190/wufflesvetinari-wufflesvetinari-i-dont-id for a more eloquent description of a very Aro Feel.)

Anyway, I say this because if you are feeling odd or unsettled this month, it might be profitable to consider some of the traits you've been taught are "normal", and whether you have them or just have been taught to assume that whatever you /do/ have must be them. Because it turns out that:

• a lot of people actually do want sex with people just based on first impressions (whether or not they're actually going to do anything about it, because it's often not appropriate),
• a lot of people specifically want sex with the people whose gender is like the other binary assignment from their own,
• a lot of people /don't/ want it with people whose gender is like their own,
• a lot of people are really unhappy when they are perceived as a gender that they weren't assigned,
• a lot of people can look at their own bodies without feeling alienated from them (whether or not they /like/ how they look),
• a lot of people never wish they were born a different gender than they were...

...a lot of people actually find a lot of parts of what we get told is "normal" utterly easy to comply with. And not in a "they are strong and can resist the temptation/do their duty" way, in a "why would I even want to do that/doing that sounds fantastic" way. They find it natural and comfortable and don't have an issue with it.

And you don't have to find it natural and comfortable. It's completely fine if you don't.

Comments

[dafan7711]

Thanks for this great post!

[packbat]

You're welcome! :D